don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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