its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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