Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
