I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My liver just had a heart attack.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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