at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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