What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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