So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
