Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You can't special order awesome
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
