so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
