Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize