By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
