she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
