I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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