So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
