I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
