How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
