I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Randomize
