How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
