I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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