He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
