Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
