Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize