If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
