note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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