Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
