im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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