Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
