things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
