I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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