I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
