btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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