The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
