Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
