i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it hurts more in the daytime
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
