so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize