____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
