The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize