Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
