My first STD was from a foam party
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
