I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
