I think my vagina is haunted
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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