at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
