How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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