I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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