Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize