Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
