And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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