Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
