So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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