$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I deserve this hangover.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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