well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
