The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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