Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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