We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
