You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
