They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
