If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
