I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
