this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
