1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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