I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
