It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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