the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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