dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize