the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
