She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
