You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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