Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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