peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
